2 semesters towards a dream and a Winter ahead of me

    

 Yesterday, it was my last day of Japanese class with my Professor. I will be taking Japanese 3 with another professor--sadly. I will miss my professor. Learning Japanese from him was important because he was the first person in my life to ever teach me Japanese. Although I thanked him, he doesn't know how important his role was in my life. He helped me toward a very important goal for almost my whole life--I knew it was important always, but didn't know how important until yesterday. I wish I had worked so much harder in Japanese for my Professor. I will have to do that next semester for my new Japanese professor. I want to work harder to make my dreams come true, for my professors. That way, they understand that their profession and time is helping me to become the best person I can be. They, themselves with their lives are helping me to become the best I can-because they lived to become a teacher for me. Their lives help me-from the moment they were born till now! If only, I could have told all this to my Professor. But it would have sounded weird: "Thanks for being born and coming to America, Sensei! Thanks for being here, right now. Because of you, I am closer to my dreams and becoming the person I want to be. Thank you. ありがと” That's what I really wanted to say. But I will visit him next semester and try my best to speak Japanese to him.

     I hope that someday I can do the same with my life as I learn to teach others and help them to their goals. I want to help others accomplish their true dreams and teach them to hope. That's what I want! :)

    Everyday, now that I am on break-- I will be practicing Kankji constantly. Also, I will get a head start on Chinese--just a bit. However, I must learn more Japanese. Besides languages, I will be searching for work and volunteering often. I have signed up for an online free course, to help me learn Math over the winter, so when I go to class next semester, I will be proficient. I am trying to think ahead, to be a better person,  I will be making a schedule for my break, and trying to connect more to my spirituality. I will be waking up for church soon--so I will be waking up early.

This Hidden Woman

        Parts of me have simply been hidden under bad pretenses. I have been hidden so many times in my life before--but not in this manner. I am hidden in such a way that my morals are at question--Like never before.
        Does this make me a good or bad person? A teacher once asked my class, 'Can someone good do something bad and still be a good person?' In that limited mind of hers, she said 'No.' Basically believing in, Good people do only good things, and bad people do bad things only. Yet, can an individual be defined so easily in such a flat surface, 2d manner? Perhaps there is no notion of 'good' and 'bad'-- only to those who need to be told what is good, ok, and bad. So in turn they ignore the multi-shaded three dimensional figure their life truly is, which will cast a shadow where it pleases to go. To have lights, greys, and darkness...it's only natural. To have a shadow, it means that you exist that you are real.
     Not everyone can spend a lifetime only as the good person, not having their ideals and beliefs compromised. We must live out all the shades of our life--or else we will have never lived. We cannot fear to explore the depths and vastness of our soul. We must play all true roles in life--or else we will not be real. The validity of our existence will be questionable if we do not truly live. You cannot ignore your shadow.

Catching Up With You.

So, school is going to be over next week.. It's been three months about since I have written. I have to catch up with my life-- I fell behind this semester because of certain circumstances. I have to catch up with my spirituality-- make it an exercise, which I failed at this semester and may fail at next semester.  I cannot start just yet either. My finals are next week and I must study. I have cleaned the house to get back into habit for my spiritual and study needs. A bus driver once told me that God cannot enter your home if it's messy--god is close to cleanliness. Pray for me, that I do well on my finals. I have made a mess on some things, you see. Please, please, please pray that I pass my classes.

I have to remember a lot of Kanji, some sentences, verbs, and paragraphs. I will be practicing all weekend, and the days before my final. The week after next, I will resume my Japanese Blog.

So, my hopes for the ending of this semester is to do well in my classes--for personal reasons. 

I need to do well. Here we go. 

Take care

The Peace of Nature

Yesterday, I woke up at four in the morning to go to Pyramid Lake. I'll admit, I wasn't too crazy about the idea at first. Since school has started, I have been trying to keep a certain attitude of studying constantly. Luckily, I am back into the groove.

Pyramid Lake was so relaxing, I let the water and mountains fulfill me while there. It had been sometime since I got to indulge in such a pleasure. I was happy to return home since I had been there for a 12 hour day. However, I let myself linger in the memory of the shimmering water, the tall mountains, and caressing breezes of air.

When people are in nature and embrace it, they become part of it. They become less attached to the concepts of our society and constricted personal lives. In nature, I think any person can find who they really are. Can you just enjoy the breeze for a bit? Can you let yourself float adrift in the water without any complicated thoughts? Can you go for a walk through the mountains without having a destination? Can you just be like the nature for a bit? Aimless, calm, indifferent, yet wild, free, and natural? Can you just let go of it all for just a few hours?

It was beautiful. I want to camp soon-- sometime. I want to see the stars and night sky that I find myself in, the sun rise that stole my heart in childhood, the sunsets with cotton candy clouds, and the moon I often hoped upon. I want to reconnect, on a lager level, with the world that stole my heart and made me love it completely in my youth and through out my life.

Nature, make me fall in love with you all over again. :]

New Starts

I started volunteering today around skid row. I feed homeless people at a mission. I was scared that the place I volunteered at was going to be strict, but I quickly befriended the head chef. He made me feel comfortable enough that the other volunteers thought I had been working there for some time. The chef was busy, so I tended to volunteers whom had no idea where to start, then brought them to the head chef for further instruction. Everyone worked so well together. There were some kids from, what they told me, a placement home. They had explained they had done things to get them in trouble, and these placement homes transfer them out of their schools and homes into a daily regiment that will teach them to act more...civil? When they do well with their grades, and personal progress they can go home. The boys behaved well, I forgot their ages quickly. They were helpful and respectful. Let's hope they can return to good homes and better lives after their program! I look forward to volunteering again and again! Volunteering is part of my religious repetition for my practice of spirituality.

I know I haven't finished my 30 day challenges,  but I know I will try hard to complete my new schedule for the week. Almost every day will be different. This will certainly be my hardest challenge when school starts to try to be on point until the semester finishes. I've come a long way and seen improvement in my ways. But I want this semester to be that ultimate test. I want to feel the reward of long term work in the end. I want this new start to be the test of my strength in the many ways.

These new starts will test my character and determination, and help me lead my own religious life dedicated to my spirituality. Here we go, new starts!

Preparation For School

     So, I will be returning to school in about in two weeks. This upcoming week will be my last week to fall  asleep in the early a.m. and wake up in the late late p.m. I will be focusing on getting my school supplies and returning to better habits. I will be reorganizing and cleaning my space for better studying habits. These days are going to be TIRESOME. But I really want to build to something, you know?

     When school starts, I will be trying to blog differently too, to bring my school experiences here.

     I am going to try to live up to my new schedule for next semester.

Help From The Distant Past

"The only thing that could spoil a day was people. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself."
-Ernest Hemingway

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? "
-Albert Einstein

"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree."
-Albert Einstein

 

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.'
-Oscar Wilde

 

"Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval."
-Mark Twain

"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."
-Mark Twain

 

 

Oh, I could go on with the quotes, there have just been so many amazing people in this world who leave us their words. These words are so kind. Sometimes when I need a bit of kindness or help pointed my way, I turn to the words of the past, from those of the past. Yes, yes, who I have with me now should be the ones I take help from. However, I am just so personal and don't want to explain my emotions to those around me. If they knew, I would just hate if they could read my heart. It is too vulnerable! I just feel my heart "jump". Only a few times have I had my heart read by people, but the feeling is just too strong for me to handle. When someone can read what's exactly in your heart-- they know you. I have spent so much of my life misunderstood, even today I am too shy and sensitive to such a matter occurring. 

 

So, I try to just live out my life and handle my own problems for the most part. Although, I have turned to people personally for help before-- I prefer to not do it often. 

 

I enjoy finding help in the words left behind by those before us. It really warms my heart to know that others go through the same trial and error, pain, emotions, thoughts, and life situations. 

 

Thank you so much to those of the past who have left their words to help! :)