2 semesters towards a dream and a Winter ahead of me

    

 Yesterday, it was my last day of Japanese class with my Professor. I will be taking Japanese 3 with another professor--sadly. I will miss my professor. Learning Japanese from him was important because he was the first person in my life to ever teach me Japanese. Although I thanked him, he doesn't know how important his role was in my life. He helped me toward a very important goal for almost my whole life--I knew it was important always, but didn't know how important until yesterday. I wish I had worked so much harder in Japanese for my Professor. I will have to do that next semester for my new Japanese professor. I want to work harder to make my dreams come true, for my professors. That way, they understand that their profession and time is helping me to become the best person I can be. They, themselves with their lives are helping me to become the best I can-because they lived to become a teacher for me. Their lives help me-from the moment they were born till now! If only, I could have told all this to my Professor. But it would have sounded weird: "Thanks for being born and coming to America, Sensei! Thanks for being here, right now. Because of you, I am closer to my dreams and becoming the person I want to be. Thank you. ありがと” That's what I really wanted to say. But I will visit him next semester and try my best to speak Japanese to him.

     I hope that someday I can do the same with my life as I learn to teach others and help them to their goals. I want to help others accomplish their true dreams and teach them to hope. That's what I want! :)

    Everyday, now that I am on break-- I will be practicing Kankji constantly. Also, I will get a head start on Chinese--just a bit. However, I must learn more Japanese. Besides languages, I will be searching for work and volunteering often. I have signed up for an online free course, to help me learn Math over the winter, so when I go to class next semester, I will be proficient. I am trying to think ahead, to be a better person,  I will be making a schedule for my break, and trying to connect more to my spirituality. I will be waking up for church soon--so I will be waking up early.

This Hidden Woman

        Parts of me have simply been hidden under bad pretenses. I have been hidden so many times in my life before--but not in this manner. I am hidden in such a way that my morals are at question--Like never before.
        Does this make me a good or bad person? A teacher once asked my class, 'Can someone good do something bad and still be a good person?' In that limited mind of hers, she said 'No.' Basically believing in, Good people do only good things, and bad people do bad things only. Yet, can an individual be defined so easily in such a flat surface, 2d manner? Perhaps there is no notion of 'good' and 'bad'-- only to those who need to be told what is good, ok, and bad. So in turn they ignore the multi-shaded three dimensional figure their life truly is, which will cast a shadow where it pleases to go. To have lights, greys, and darkness...it's only natural. To have a shadow, it means that you exist that you are real.
     Not everyone can spend a lifetime only as the good person, not having their ideals and beliefs compromised. We must live out all the shades of our life--or else we will have never lived. We cannot fear to explore the depths and vastness of our soul. We must play all true roles in life--or else we will not be real. The validity of our existence will be questionable if we do not truly live. You cannot ignore your shadow.

Catching Up With You.

So, school is going to be over next week.. It's been three months about since I have written. I have to catch up with my life-- I fell behind this semester because of certain circumstances. I have to catch up with my spirituality-- make it an exercise, which I failed at this semester and may fail at next semester.  I cannot start just yet either. My finals are next week and I must study. I have cleaned the house to get back into habit for my spiritual and study needs. A bus driver once told me that God cannot enter your home if it's messy--god is close to cleanliness. Pray for me, that I do well on my finals. I have made a mess on some things, you see. Please, please, please pray that I pass my classes.

I have to remember a lot of Kanji, some sentences, verbs, and paragraphs. I will be practicing all weekend, and the days before my final. The week after next, I will resume my Japanese Blog.

So, my hopes for the ending of this semester is to do well in my classes--for personal reasons. 

I need to do well. Here we go. 

Take care