Patience, my needed virtue

      Sometimes, I just want to hurry. I was born with my impatient attitude, at least I believe so. I believe, on my spiritual journey I will have to learn to have patience with each day, that it is just an inch closer to many things.I will have to have patience with myself as well.

     There are times where I sit and wonder, "Who am I?" I think of all the things in my life that I did, the good and bad. Do our actions really define us? Sometimes I want to change instantly, I wish I could find an instant solution to that which I did wrong. However, it's a process which mostly involves time: One must connect their mentality to their spirituality. This is where knowledge becomes so much more than just that of information, it becomes that of the soul, if you breath it and eat it, fully taking it in. It may have taken lifetimes for me to get to where I am, which is even not that far.

     I have realized that on the way to my spiritual journey, I will have to clear my give and take account for this lifetime, perhaps that in the next lifetime too. I want to grow much in this lifetime though, to be the best I can. It's such a hard task, to conquer myself. But this will be the task for now to be the  master of my mind and body, so be patient enough to learn discipline and the rest of these virtues and values.

    I feel it's important to cultivate this spirituality and these values-- to reach where I want to be and that which I want. Sigh, I must have patience***

Following Today's Agenda

I've found it hard to follow my schedules-- I easily get distracted or lazy. Did I come through for today's agenda?

This will be troublesome when school starts, seeing that I will have to deal with the amount of time class takes up, study time, the times I attend church, transit travel, and my home duties. I will have to try my best to start following a schedule once school starts.

Anyhow,

I attended early morning mass with an uncomfortable dream about an hour before leaving. It felt as if I chose to leave the house- something bad would happen. So I prayed for the safety of my home to ease this feeling. I wanted to stay true to my agenda. Once I attended church, I felt so much better! It felt so peaceful, I dowsed my forehead with holy water on the way out. The day just seemed to take off, did some chanting, cleaned up a bit, I got to talk to a beloved family member I never get to talk to, I found good companionship in conversation with a classmate from middle school days (who I hadn't talked to in years), I went on a long hike, today was just so much fruit for thought. It's so nice to have a schedule, to live by it, and to accomplish my tasks through out the day. I hope that following the Agenda everyday will help me cultivate discipline the discipline, protection,  and skill I need.

Now to see what I can accomplish tomorrow! :)

Task for Today

Task for today: Think of one thing that you would like to change about yourself. This can be achieved through a simple process of journaling. Write freely as long as you would like and focus on where you are presently at in life and where you would like to be as a person. Acknowledge the things you don't like, but also admire the things you do like about yourself. Choose the one thing you would like to change. Acknowledge it, meditate and pray about it, and simply make peace with it, then let it go. ♥ 

The thing I would like to change about myself:   

I wish I was more confident.Most of my problems seem to come from how confident I am not. I procrastinate too much. I start to worry if I am doing the task right. I wish I was confident enough to just start. Sometimes, I am a coward. I just don't want to cause problems because I value well-kept peace. 

However, I have learned in my life that there is a point where cowardice can turn into bravery, when we are sick of the way things are. When we have hit our lowest points, like the true cliche continues,  we can only go up.

The kind of person I want to be is peaceful but fierce, I want strength to back up peace to protect those who need saving. I am a very weak kind of person at times, I want to be kind with people for the most part and avoid unnecessary events of negativity. I try my best to be calm and cool about certain things, but some people only learn through the taste of their own medicine. Sometimes, being nice does not get a thing accomplished. People don't care about respect, they only care about who screams or hits louder, or who can shut them up. I have met too many people of this kin-- who refuse to stop their negative actions by acts of kindness. I think of Martin Luther King Jr. Sometimes, you must take people's bad actions towards you and go on. They will think you are the loser for not reacting back with negativity and hate-- but in the end their true character, who they really are, is shown by their negative actions. That is the true conclusion in the end. They see themselves as superior- but the true eye only sees ignorance. 

I want to practice kindness towards those around me-- but when should I ever become tough or try to belittle those around me? But I don't want to be caught up in negativity. I want to be able to keep my mind clear, so that way, I may accomplish my dreams and find my truest potential. 

I want to become the kind of person with the power to live my life the way I wish. To live life the way one wishes, in a manner that wouldn't ruin the lives of others or rob them of their own, is true power. To be able to break those confinements of society, religion, and politics. It is not just power alone though, there is a certain way to it. A certain understanding. Alone, it is a powerful concept. For most people, it just means to become rich and flaunt your money around to make your life work-- but to me it's going beyond money. You must know yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually--balance yourself. Everything has to come together in that certain manner. You must break the limits imposed on you. To do this-- is to change the world of it's worldly ways. To show the world that poverty needn't exist, that money is just a concept, that what we consider life may just be a prison in disguise. We think all these things are real because they are all we know-- but all we "know" is false. We haven't yet broke these borders and constrictions-- there is further to go. More to teach and to love, but those constrictions will always await to challenge those that try to defy them because this is one of the most powerful concepts-- to go above and beyond that which we know-- to live our lives fully the way we want. 

 I remember, In high school, 11th grade, my English teacher asked the class "What is happiness to you?" She told us to write our answers down on a piece of paper. I wrote: "Happiness is living life the way you want."

I want to be confident enough to surpass it all.

Keeping up on Spirituality and Religion

As I have said, I've returned to Christianity. Often, I wonder what it means. Will I have to become the mainstream Christian down to every small belief? Will I lack in spiritual knowledge?

When I look down in my heart, I feel the answer to these questions. I have to become my own kind of Christian, the kind of Christ follower I feel needs to exist more often: The Christ follower that is open to all, the Christ follower that embraces all with love, trust and respect no matter who they are or what they've done.

 I will be the Christian who does not attend anti gay rallies, pro life protest, and other such protest that show a hatred or disgust towards the life style and choices of others. Why I will not do this is because I feel like it goes against Christ and against the notion that we are not to judge others. I know, that no matter what is right or wrong, there will be a pregnant female who will abort her child for fear-- and that there will always be people who wish to spend the rest of their lives with those whom they love of the same sex. What I say to this is that this is their life style and choice-- that it is between them and God. Not them, God, and I. No.

 Christians must love everyone and be understanding of the world around them environmentally, socially, religiously, spiritually, aside from personally.

Constantly, I am sick of seeing one minded Christians/ Catholics, so eager to hate in order to prove their loyalty to God. They are so eager to put themselves above everyone else in the world-- so full of their ego. "“I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear.” MLK jr. I feel the exact same way. 

I will become my own Christ follower. I want my Christian experience to shed nothing but love, understanding and hope-- to distance myself away from hatred.

I have lately attended Church-- To find a religious habit that suits my spirituality.

Hope. :)

Fly, Fly Away- to Japan.

     Whenever, I see a plane, high in the sky, I can't help but stop and stare. To me, planes are ugly for the amount of pollution they cause. However, there is this absolute beauty to seeing an airplane or jet soar high in the sky.

      It symbolizes so much to me: freedom, ambition, fulfillment, hope, and change.

     My dreams, ever since I have been young, about 6 or 7 years of age, have always been to just fly away. I remember reading Sailor Moon, the manga. When times were hard, I often turned to Sailor Moon. Yes, she was a fictional character, but I was still amazed that she kept going on, no matter how bad things got.

 I didn't read this part of Sailor Moon until I was in 6th grade. But for years, I kept coming back to this part whenever I felt so weak in life. I have always wanted to go to Japan-- but at first it was only because of Sailor Moon. This later led me to study Japan more. I knew Sailor Moon, alone, should not have been my reason for going. I had fallen in love with the traditions and ways of Japan. The people there respect hard work, teach trades with so much respect, most people value their elders and learn from them, they appreciate arts in a unique way from the rest of the world, I just couldn't help but love it.

The love of art in Japan had won me over. I grew up wanting to be a Mangaka, to be able to inspire other people to be happy and love themselves no matter what. I wanted to be able to give happiness to the world, to help everyone, no matter what. I still want to do that through writing and story telling.

     Aside from the art, Japan is this unique place that still has areas that try to coincide with nature. There is so much to gain when going to Japan to see nature. I want to see the leaves from tall leaves depart in the fall. I want to go to the snowy mountains that are unforgiving in the winter time, and see the animals relax in the natural hot springs in the wilderness, I want to go to that beach that looks like a desert, I want to see that man made forest, I want to see Mt. Fuji and all that ancient architecture, I want to see that small neighborhood where the river passes through, where bridges seem infinite- Oh, to get a ride by a boat maiden there! I want to see the rows of Cherry blossom trees which lovers meet under in the spring time, I want to swim in the oceans of Japan in the summer. I want to see it all. I want to experience the tradition not belonging to me-- how I would love, just once, to wear a Kimono. Just to see fall, winter, spring, and summer. To see simple country life and live in the Tokyo nights.

    Sometimes, I am scared that I will not be happy when I arrive to Japan. Will it be enough for my thirst of life? If not, what will end this thirst? I often wonder. Will I find a part of myself in Japan?
  
   There is just so much I don't even know about myself-- I still have so much more to learn and to love. I can't ever settle-- for now. 

     I want to find my place in this world, to bring happiness and help whoever-- even if not appreciated. That doesn't matter the slightest.  I feel like, in traveling-- I will learn much more about the world and myself.

There are many other places I want to see. But let's leave it at Japan today. ^.^

-Send me to Japan, Life!

Spiritual and Personal Duties.

So, I have been in a sort of Limbo. I haven't done everything I set out to do. Nonetheless, I am keeping some things up everyday. I have been trying to find a routine a religious routine in which I can live my spirituality. I have noticed myself taking little things from here and there. For exaple, I am trying to follow:

The Basic Prinicples of Spirituality: (SSRF)

1) There are as many paths to God as there are people

2) Going from many to one:

The impact of our efforts is much more powerful when we concentrate our efforts on the one, instead of the many.

3) Progressing from gross (tangible) to subtle (intangible)

This principle states that we need to improve upon our spiritual practice by going from just physical actions, to a practice at a more subtle level.

4) Undertaking spiritual practice as per the spiritual level or spiritual capacity

We must check that the spiritual practice we choose is as per our spiritual capacity or spiritual level. A student, who has passed grade 3, will not be able to sit for the grade 4 exams if he has been continually studying only the grade 3 syllabus.

5) Doing spiritual practice relevant to the times

6) Offering to God as per your talent or capacity
All of us have some kind of resources at our disposal. These have been given to us by God. A basic principle in spiritual practice is that we use these same resources to serve Him as part of our spiritual practice and grow spiritually. The resources we have fall broadly into four categories:
1. Our body
2. Our wealth and worldly connections
3. Our mind and intellect
4. Our sixth sense

Some things to Start tomorrow- for at least 6 months from now ( At least until January)

• A soft returning to Christianity
• Daily Chanting and Prayer: Hail Jesus and Sree Gurudev Datta. Min 2 hrs a day in the early day. At least 1100 repetitions. I can break these chanting sessions into different times: Verbally or mentally.
• Spiritual Study: The books I read will have to conform to the 6 basic principles of spirituality.

I am going to work hard to build a good schedule, because lately I have been out of place again. I will have to find a way to make a good schedule all around for good sleep, personal interest, and spiritual duties.

:) Makes me feel all happy.