2 semesters towards a dream and a Winter ahead of me

    

 Yesterday, it was my last day of Japanese class with my Professor. I will be taking Japanese 3 with another professor--sadly. I will miss my professor. Learning Japanese from him was important because he was the first person in my life to ever teach me Japanese. Although I thanked him, he doesn't know how important his role was in my life. He helped me toward a very important goal for almost my whole life--I knew it was important always, but didn't know how important until yesterday. I wish I had worked so much harder in Japanese for my Professor. I will have to do that next semester for my new Japanese professor. I want to work harder to make my dreams come true, for my professors. That way, they understand that their profession and time is helping me to become the best person I can be. They, themselves with their lives are helping me to become the best I can-because they lived to become a teacher for me. Their lives help me-from the moment they were born till now! If only, I could have told all this to my Professor. But it would have sounded weird: "Thanks for being born and coming to America, Sensei! Thanks for being here, right now. Because of you, I am closer to my dreams and becoming the person I want to be. Thank you. ありがと” That's what I really wanted to say. But I will visit him next semester and try my best to speak Japanese to him.

     I hope that someday I can do the same with my life as I learn to teach others and help them to their goals. I want to help others accomplish their true dreams and teach them to hope. That's what I want! :)

    Everyday, now that I am on break-- I will be practicing Kankji constantly. Also, I will get a head start on Chinese--just a bit. However, I must learn more Japanese. Besides languages, I will be searching for work and volunteering often. I have signed up for an online free course, to help me learn Math over the winter, so when I go to class next semester, I will be proficient. I am trying to think ahead, to be a better person,  I will be making a schedule for my break, and trying to connect more to my spirituality. I will be waking up for church soon--so I will be waking up early.

This Hidden Woman

        Parts of me have simply been hidden under bad pretenses. I have been hidden so many times in my life before--but not in this manner. I am hidden in such a way that my morals are at question--Like never before.
        Does this make me a good or bad person? A teacher once asked my class, 'Can someone good do something bad and still be a good person?' In that limited mind of hers, she said 'No.' Basically believing in, Good people do only good things, and bad people do bad things only. Yet, can an individual be defined so easily in such a flat surface, 2d manner? Perhaps there is no notion of 'good' and 'bad'-- only to those who need to be told what is good, ok, and bad. So in turn they ignore the multi-shaded three dimensional figure their life truly is, which will cast a shadow where it pleases to go. To have lights, greys, and darkness...it's only natural. To have a shadow, it means that you exist that you are real.
     Not everyone can spend a lifetime only as the good person, not having their ideals and beliefs compromised. We must live out all the shades of our life--or else we will have never lived. We cannot fear to explore the depths and vastness of our soul. We must play all true roles in life--or else we will not be real. The validity of our existence will be questionable if we do not truly live. You cannot ignore your shadow.

Catching Up With You.

So, school is going to be over next week.. It's been three months about since I have written. I have to catch up with my life-- I fell behind this semester because of certain circumstances. I have to catch up with my spirituality-- make it an exercise, which I failed at this semester and may fail at next semester.  I cannot start just yet either. My finals are next week and I must study. I have cleaned the house to get back into habit for my spiritual and study needs. A bus driver once told me that God cannot enter your home if it's messy--god is close to cleanliness. Pray for me, that I do well on my finals. I have made a mess on some things, you see. Please, please, please pray that I pass my classes.

I have to remember a lot of Kanji, some sentences, verbs, and paragraphs. I will be practicing all weekend, and the days before my final. The week after next, I will resume my Japanese Blog.

So, my hopes for the ending of this semester is to do well in my classes--for personal reasons. 

I need to do well. Here we go. 

Take care

The Peace of Nature

Yesterday, I woke up at four in the morning to go to Pyramid Lake. I'll admit, I wasn't too crazy about the idea at first. Since school has started, I have been trying to keep a certain attitude of studying constantly. Luckily, I am back into the groove.

Pyramid Lake was so relaxing, I let the water and mountains fulfill me while there. It had been sometime since I got to indulge in such a pleasure. I was happy to return home since I had been there for a 12 hour day. However, I let myself linger in the memory of the shimmering water, the tall mountains, and caressing breezes of air.

When people are in nature and embrace it, they become part of it. They become less attached to the concepts of our society and constricted personal lives. In nature, I think any person can find who they really are. Can you just enjoy the breeze for a bit? Can you let yourself float adrift in the water without any complicated thoughts? Can you go for a walk through the mountains without having a destination? Can you just be like the nature for a bit? Aimless, calm, indifferent, yet wild, free, and natural? Can you just let go of it all for just a few hours?

It was beautiful. I want to camp soon-- sometime. I want to see the stars and night sky that I find myself in, the sun rise that stole my heart in childhood, the sunsets with cotton candy clouds, and the moon I often hoped upon. I want to reconnect, on a lager level, with the world that stole my heart and made me love it completely in my youth and through out my life.

Nature, make me fall in love with you all over again. :]

New Starts

I started volunteering today around skid row. I feed homeless people at a mission. I was scared that the place I volunteered at was going to be strict, but I quickly befriended the head chef. He made me feel comfortable enough that the other volunteers thought I had been working there for some time. The chef was busy, so I tended to volunteers whom had no idea where to start, then brought them to the head chef for further instruction. Everyone worked so well together. There were some kids from, what they told me, a placement home. They had explained they had done things to get them in trouble, and these placement homes transfer them out of their schools and homes into a daily regiment that will teach them to act more...civil? When they do well with their grades, and personal progress they can go home. The boys behaved well, I forgot their ages quickly. They were helpful and respectful. Let's hope they can return to good homes and better lives after their program! I look forward to volunteering again and again! Volunteering is part of my religious repetition for my practice of spirituality.

I know I haven't finished my 30 day challenges,  but I know I will try hard to complete my new schedule for the week. Almost every day will be different. This will certainly be my hardest challenge when school starts to try to be on point until the semester finishes. I've come a long way and seen improvement in my ways. But I want this semester to be that ultimate test. I want to feel the reward of long term work in the end. I want this new start to be the test of my strength in the many ways.

These new starts will test my character and determination, and help me lead my own religious life dedicated to my spirituality. Here we go, new starts!

Preparation For School

     So, I will be returning to school in about in two weeks. This upcoming week will be my last week to fall  asleep in the early a.m. and wake up in the late late p.m. I will be focusing on getting my school supplies and returning to better habits. I will be reorganizing and cleaning my space for better studying habits. These days are going to be TIRESOME. But I really want to build to something, you know?

     When school starts, I will be trying to blog differently too, to bring my school experiences here.

     I am going to try to live up to my new schedule for next semester.

Help From The Distant Past

"The only thing that could spoil a day was people. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself."
-Ernest Hemingway

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? "
-Albert Einstein

"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree."
-Albert Einstein

 

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.'
-Oscar Wilde

 

"Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval."
-Mark Twain

"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."
-Mark Twain

 

 

Oh, I could go on with the quotes, there have just been so many amazing people in this world who leave us their words. These words are so kind. Sometimes when I need a bit of kindness or help pointed my way, I turn to the words of the past, from those of the past. Yes, yes, who I have with me now should be the ones I take help from. However, I am just so personal and don't want to explain my emotions to those around me. If they knew, I would just hate if they could read my heart. It is too vulnerable! I just feel my heart "jump". Only a few times have I had my heart read by people, but the feeling is just too strong for me to handle. When someone can read what's exactly in your heart-- they know you. I have spent so much of my life misunderstood, even today I am too shy and sensitive to such a matter occurring. 

 

So, I try to just live out my life and handle my own problems for the most part. Although, I have turned to people personally for help before-- I prefer to not do it often. 

 

I enjoy finding help in the words left behind by those before us. It really warms my heart to know that others go through the same trial and error, pain, emotions, thoughts, and life situations. 

 

Thank you so much to those of the past who have left their words to help! :) 

 

Patience, my needed virtue

      Sometimes, I just want to hurry. I was born with my impatient attitude, at least I believe so. I believe, on my spiritual journey I will have to learn to have patience with each day, that it is just an inch closer to many things.I will have to have patience with myself as well.

     There are times where I sit and wonder, "Who am I?" I think of all the things in my life that I did, the good and bad. Do our actions really define us? Sometimes I want to change instantly, I wish I could find an instant solution to that which I did wrong. However, it's a process which mostly involves time: One must connect their mentality to their spirituality. This is where knowledge becomes so much more than just that of information, it becomes that of the soul, if you breath it and eat it, fully taking it in. It may have taken lifetimes for me to get to where I am, which is even not that far.

     I have realized that on the way to my spiritual journey, I will have to clear my give and take account for this lifetime, perhaps that in the next lifetime too. I want to grow much in this lifetime though, to be the best I can. It's such a hard task, to conquer myself. But this will be the task for now to be the  master of my mind and body, so be patient enough to learn discipline and the rest of these virtues and values.

    I feel it's important to cultivate this spirituality and these values-- to reach where I want to be and that which I want. Sigh, I must have patience***

Following Today's Agenda

I've found it hard to follow my schedules-- I easily get distracted or lazy. Did I come through for today's agenda?

This will be troublesome when school starts, seeing that I will have to deal with the amount of time class takes up, study time, the times I attend church, transit travel, and my home duties. I will have to try my best to start following a schedule once school starts.

Anyhow,

I attended early morning mass with an uncomfortable dream about an hour before leaving. It felt as if I chose to leave the house- something bad would happen. So I prayed for the safety of my home to ease this feeling. I wanted to stay true to my agenda. Once I attended church, I felt so much better! It felt so peaceful, I dowsed my forehead with holy water on the way out. The day just seemed to take off, did some chanting, cleaned up a bit, I got to talk to a beloved family member I never get to talk to, I found good companionship in conversation with a classmate from middle school days (who I hadn't talked to in years), I went on a long hike, today was just so much fruit for thought. It's so nice to have a schedule, to live by it, and to accomplish my tasks through out the day. I hope that following the Agenda everyday will help me cultivate discipline the discipline, protection,  and skill I need.

Now to see what I can accomplish tomorrow! :)

Task for Today

Task for today: Think of one thing that you would like to change about yourself. This can be achieved through a simple process of journaling. Write freely as long as you would like and focus on where you are presently at in life and where you would like to be as a person. Acknowledge the things you don't like, but also admire the things you do like about yourself. Choose the one thing you would like to change. Acknowledge it, meditate and pray about it, and simply make peace with it, then let it go. ♥ 

The thing I would like to change about myself:   

I wish I was more confident.Most of my problems seem to come from how confident I am not. I procrastinate too much. I start to worry if I am doing the task right. I wish I was confident enough to just start. Sometimes, I am a coward. I just don't want to cause problems because I value well-kept peace. 

However, I have learned in my life that there is a point where cowardice can turn into bravery, when we are sick of the way things are. When we have hit our lowest points, like the true cliche continues,  we can only go up.

The kind of person I want to be is peaceful but fierce, I want strength to back up peace to protect those who need saving. I am a very weak kind of person at times, I want to be kind with people for the most part and avoid unnecessary events of negativity. I try my best to be calm and cool about certain things, but some people only learn through the taste of their own medicine. Sometimes, being nice does not get a thing accomplished. People don't care about respect, they only care about who screams or hits louder, or who can shut them up. I have met too many people of this kin-- who refuse to stop their negative actions by acts of kindness. I think of Martin Luther King Jr. Sometimes, you must take people's bad actions towards you and go on. They will think you are the loser for not reacting back with negativity and hate-- but in the end their true character, who they really are, is shown by their negative actions. That is the true conclusion in the end. They see themselves as superior- but the true eye only sees ignorance. 

I want to practice kindness towards those around me-- but when should I ever become tough or try to belittle those around me? But I don't want to be caught up in negativity. I want to be able to keep my mind clear, so that way, I may accomplish my dreams and find my truest potential. 

I want to become the kind of person with the power to live my life the way I wish. To live life the way one wishes, in a manner that wouldn't ruin the lives of others or rob them of their own, is true power. To be able to break those confinements of society, religion, and politics. It is not just power alone though, there is a certain way to it. A certain understanding. Alone, it is a powerful concept. For most people, it just means to become rich and flaunt your money around to make your life work-- but to me it's going beyond money. You must know yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually--balance yourself. Everything has to come together in that certain manner. You must break the limits imposed on you. To do this-- is to change the world of it's worldly ways. To show the world that poverty needn't exist, that money is just a concept, that what we consider life may just be a prison in disguise. We think all these things are real because they are all we know-- but all we "know" is false. We haven't yet broke these borders and constrictions-- there is further to go. More to teach and to love, but those constrictions will always await to challenge those that try to defy them because this is one of the most powerful concepts-- to go above and beyond that which we know-- to live our lives fully the way we want. 

 I remember, In high school, 11th grade, my English teacher asked the class "What is happiness to you?" She told us to write our answers down on a piece of paper. I wrote: "Happiness is living life the way you want."

I want to be confident enough to surpass it all.

Keeping up on Spirituality and Religion

As I have said, I've returned to Christianity. Often, I wonder what it means. Will I have to become the mainstream Christian down to every small belief? Will I lack in spiritual knowledge?

When I look down in my heart, I feel the answer to these questions. I have to become my own kind of Christian, the kind of Christ follower I feel needs to exist more often: The Christ follower that is open to all, the Christ follower that embraces all with love, trust and respect no matter who they are or what they've done.

 I will be the Christian who does not attend anti gay rallies, pro life protest, and other such protest that show a hatred or disgust towards the life style and choices of others. Why I will not do this is because I feel like it goes against Christ and against the notion that we are not to judge others. I know, that no matter what is right or wrong, there will be a pregnant female who will abort her child for fear-- and that there will always be people who wish to spend the rest of their lives with those whom they love of the same sex. What I say to this is that this is their life style and choice-- that it is between them and God. Not them, God, and I. No.

 Christians must love everyone and be understanding of the world around them environmentally, socially, religiously, spiritually, aside from personally.

Constantly, I am sick of seeing one minded Christians/ Catholics, so eager to hate in order to prove their loyalty to God. They are so eager to put themselves above everyone else in the world-- so full of their ego. "“I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear.” MLK jr. I feel the exact same way. 

I will become my own Christ follower. I want my Christian experience to shed nothing but love, understanding and hope-- to distance myself away from hatred.

I have lately attended Church-- To find a religious habit that suits my spirituality.

Hope. :)

Fly, Fly Away- to Japan.

     Whenever, I see a plane, high in the sky, I can't help but stop and stare. To me, planes are ugly for the amount of pollution they cause. However, there is this absolute beauty to seeing an airplane or jet soar high in the sky.

      It symbolizes so much to me: freedom, ambition, fulfillment, hope, and change.

     My dreams, ever since I have been young, about 6 or 7 years of age, have always been to just fly away. I remember reading Sailor Moon, the manga. When times were hard, I often turned to Sailor Moon. Yes, she was a fictional character, but I was still amazed that she kept going on, no matter how bad things got.

 I didn't read this part of Sailor Moon until I was in 6th grade. But for years, I kept coming back to this part whenever I felt so weak in life. I have always wanted to go to Japan-- but at first it was only because of Sailor Moon. This later led me to study Japan more. I knew Sailor Moon, alone, should not have been my reason for going. I had fallen in love with the traditions and ways of Japan. The people there respect hard work, teach trades with so much respect, most people value their elders and learn from them, they appreciate arts in a unique way from the rest of the world, I just couldn't help but love it.

The love of art in Japan had won me over. I grew up wanting to be a Mangaka, to be able to inspire other people to be happy and love themselves no matter what. I wanted to be able to give happiness to the world, to help everyone, no matter what. I still want to do that through writing and story telling.

     Aside from the art, Japan is this unique place that still has areas that try to coincide with nature. There is so much to gain when going to Japan to see nature. I want to see the leaves from tall leaves depart in the fall. I want to go to the snowy mountains that are unforgiving in the winter time, and see the animals relax in the natural hot springs in the wilderness, I want to go to that beach that looks like a desert, I want to see that man made forest, I want to see Mt. Fuji and all that ancient architecture, I want to see that small neighborhood where the river passes through, where bridges seem infinite- Oh, to get a ride by a boat maiden there! I want to see the rows of Cherry blossom trees which lovers meet under in the spring time, I want to swim in the oceans of Japan in the summer. I want to see it all. I want to experience the tradition not belonging to me-- how I would love, just once, to wear a Kimono. Just to see fall, winter, spring, and summer. To see simple country life and live in the Tokyo nights.

    Sometimes, I am scared that I will not be happy when I arrive to Japan. Will it be enough for my thirst of life? If not, what will end this thirst? I often wonder. Will I find a part of myself in Japan?
  
   There is just so much I don't even know about myself-- I still have so much more to learn and to love. I can't ever settle-- for now. 

     I want to find my place in this world, to bring happiness and help whoever-- even if not appreciated. That doesn't matter the slightest.  I feel like, in traveling-- I will learn much more about the world and myself.

There are many other places I want to see. But let's leave it at Japan today. ^.^

-Send me to Japan, Life!

Spiritual and Personal Duties.

So, I have been in a sort of Limbo. I haven't done everything I set out to do. Nonetheless, I am keeping some things up everyday. I have been trying to find a routine a religious routine in which I can live my spirituality. I have noticed myself taking little things from here and there. For exaple, I am trying to follow:

The Basic Prinicples of Spirituality: (SSRF)

1) There are as many paths to God as there are people

2) Going from many to one:

The impact of our efforts is much more powerful when we concentrate our efforts on the one, instead of the many.

3) Progressing from gross (tangible) to subtle (intangible)

This principle states that we need to improve upon our spiritual practice by going from just physical actions, to a practice at a more subtle level.

4) Undertaking spiritual practice as per the spiritual level or spiritual capacity

We must check that the spiritual practice we choose is as per our spiritual capacity or spiritual level. A student, who has passed grade 3, will not be able to sit for the grade 4 exams if he has been continually studying only the grade 3 syllabus.

5) Doing spiritual practice relevant to the times

6) Offering to God as per your talent or capacity
All of us have some kind of resources at our disposal. These have been given to us by God. A basic principle in spiritual practice is that we use these same resources to serve Him as part of our spiritual practice and grow spiritually. The resources we have fall broadly into four categories:
1. Our body
2. Our wealth and worldly connections
3. Our mind and intellect
4. Our sixth sense

Some things to Start tomorrow- for at least 6 months from now ( At least until January)

• A soft returning to Christianity
• Daily Chanting and Prayer: Hail Jesus and Sree Gurudev Datta. Min 2 hrs a day in the early day. At least 1100 repetitions. I can break these chanting sessions into different times: Verbally or mentally.
• Spiritual Study: The books I read will have to conform to the 6 basic principles of spirituality.

I am going to work hard to build a good schedule, because lately I have been out of place again. I will have to find a way to make a good schedule all around for good sleep, personal interest, and spiritual duties.

:) Makes me feel all happy.

A Citizen of The World

     So, I regained some composure. I have tried my best to keep up with the schedule so far. I pushed myself to get back on track instead of being lost in the depression. I decided a couple of goals to work towards:

Languages:
 It's always been a dream to go to Japan. I must practice as hard as I can so I can go to Japan. And I mean to practice the Japanese language. I want to learn to speak Japanese clearly. I have never been crazy about Italy, however, I still need to learn Italian and practice it. I am also going to study French too. France is a leading nation in the many ways, by going to France, I feel, that I can accomplish a lot of things. Perhaps, I can become a citizen of the world because of France and its freedoms, unlike the decreasing freedoms within America. Being a citizen of America is too binding, where as being a citizen of the world is complete freedom.

Writing:
Poetry and short stories are in my focus so far. Through learning other languages and writing, my opportunities in life will never be limited.

**These two mental abilities will be able to help me serve the world. And create many new good things for me in life.

Following my Schedule:
Quoting my last post:
"My Summer Schedule:

• Daily Clean Up: I usually only clean once a week. These task would include putting things back where they belong, dusting, and wiping things down.
• Daily Contemplation: I want to use this blog as means to contemplate somewhat, aside from personal contemplation.
• Daily Walks/ Exercise: I walk almost every other day. However, these walks would be more beneficial for others too...
• Daily Study/Read: I want to keep my mind engaged with topics of my interest that I like to read.
• Daily Writing: I want to practice my poetry or the art of writing, everyday.
• Daily Prayer: Hopes, thanks, and wishes for others are made.
• Free Time: self explanatory ..."

Check List

1. Daily Clean Up:           Yes!
2. Daily Contemplation:  Yes!
3. Daily Exercise:            No- Later tonight
4. Daily Study/ Read:      Yes!- but I am not finished
5. Daily Writing:             No- I want to write some poetry tonight
6. Daily Prayer:               Yes!- The only thing I have been consistant with these days

In following my schedule, I will be able to take small steps to get over the that huge mountain so I can get to where I need to be and be who I am. :)

Positivity!

Lots of Talk, Little Progress, and Much Chaos, Oh my!

    My life is a mess at the moment. My computer charger has given out on me, so I have been using another computer and am left unable to update my other blogs. I have to wait for the charger to arrive in the mail, I bought a new one off ebay. It's due anytime within this week or the next few weeks. 


     To go into a bit more detail as to why my life is a mess: My health is a bit questionable at the moment, I am not living to the routine I want, and I haven't much to look forward to these days. I feel so unbalanced in every way. I know I have several things I have to do to bring this balance or hope of balance back.

     After all, I do have a biological ticking time bomb on my hands concerning my health. However, the matter of health in America can be very tricky seeing that most health professionals are rogues. They came to care and want to help, but only if big bucks are coming their way. They don't carry the good attitudes and personal values that health professionals should provide. They simply just don't care unless there is something in it for them. Nonetheless, I still have to act fast and keep hoping. It's only a matter of time until something happens. And boy, have I heard the saddest stories of young adults (like myself) in America who have died due to this economy, the growing cost of life, lossing or lack of jobs, prejudices, and the attitude of capitalism towards health for certain individuals. I was born here in America, but the more that I realize my "place" here, I hate it. I hate every echo of Capitalism and how every little bit of help is considered a socialist action. Do these people even understand the meaning of socialism? There is a difference between help and socialism. I thought they were schooled well. Most have the guts to consider themselves Christian or a follower of Jesus, but yet they cringe and complain at the thought of helping others. I have the common phrase to say, although not word for word: It's your Jesus Christ I like, but it's you Christians I don't like. Nothing like the man.

     I haven't kept to my schedule at all. It's made me very depressed, but I realized that I am not in the position to be dedicated to a schedule, at least that may be one conclusion. Money is a drought session in the desert. No rain, no love. That source of money can be gone any time now, I just hope it last through for my sake and that others. Sigh, America. I often wonder what I have to show for being 'American'. Yes, my childhood was in the lushy and surplus 90's decade, and now I am suffering and trying to hold it together. Is it time for Americans to migrate to new countries just as their ancestors arrived here for hope, new money, and a new life? I never thought of leaving America because I saw my ancestors as the searchers that had found that new hope and life, that source. I was born in that source, so why should I ever leave? But now that source seems empty and void, nothing for me. I need to go where the money is for me, where I could best prosper. It's that simple. I often think of Canada, but I have not really looked up their current conditions.  Once I recieve my charger for my computer, I will look into. But for now, I guess I have to work on managing the money and being strict about it. After all, it is means to eat and contribute to other factors of a good daily routine. Sad, but true. In the end, I should be able to manage my routine with or without money. I have felt very sluggish, barely making progress, and just wandering.

  I need to contemplate on better solutions. I will try to reblog solutions tomorrow.

Living Spirituality Religiously

      

     Recently, I have always used the term, "Spiritual, but not religious" to describe myself with religion. I struggled forever to to want to belong to Organized religion, for the reasons that people and organizations often used spirituality or 'God' as means to control the lives of others, and commit awful acts in the name of god, the divine. Also, I blamed religion as source for which the world was not united. I just couldn't believe that this kind of religion should have anything to do with spirituality. Religion, touched by men, and therefore, corrupted by men is nothing like the pure spirituality that it's often connected to. Most of these religious men are "Religious, but not spiritual". Spirituality brings kindness, moral, and understanding to religion. Religion without spirituality is worthless and corrupt. I have seen religious organizations do nothing but show "power" and "wealth", when they should be even more concerned with those suffering. In the past, I have been very wary of religion.

   However, my mind had changed once I looked into the meaning of spirituality and it's connections, yet differences with religion. I had recently realized that the two need each other. Spirituality needs religion to thrive daily and to be practiced constantly. At the moment I noticed this, and thought it over for sometime, I realized that I needed religion to thrive and become spiritual. But the problem alone is to whether I can keep my own religion, my own way in which I feel will correctly help me live spiritually, or will I have to conform to organized religion?

     For now, I do not know, but within my daily schedule, I want to practice such values that will connect me to my spirituality. Values I must practice are patience, respect for others, kindness, determination, dedication, integrity, balance, simplicity, and to cherish. 

     I don't want to be part of a religion that will put me in a group that will only look inward towards itself and help those alike. I want to be part of a religious group that respects the beliefs of everyone, even those opposite of. I want to be part of a religious group that will help everyone, no matter what, even suffering Atheist! I want a to be part of a religious group that will never flaunt its power or wealth, or cause war for "religious" reasons. I want to be part of a religion that sees all living forms equal to each other, even that of this planet. I want a religion free from discrimination and and prejudice. To have all of this, would mean a religion totally dedicated to spirituality. I refuse to have my religiosity with without spirituality.

Climbing the Mountain

     I had this dream sometime ago, that I am driving with my grandmother in the car, to somewhere I need to get to. However, for the last part of getting there, my grandma stops and parks her car. We are at the mountains, where people are normally walking up and down on the mountain, completing their daily task. We cannot drive the rest of the way, I have to walk up the mountain like everyone else. I immediately feel intimidated by the height of the mountain, and I know that my body is quite flimsy, I will fall and get hurt. There are people, just like me, that are coming to climb the mountain, they do it almost like nothing, but normally. I instantly feel bad. I just decide to sit and "wait". However, I notice that the people that started ahead of me are already a bit far and I just think "I could have been there if I had just done what I was supposed to, but instead you are just still sitting here, doing nothing."


     I believe dreams, for some people are spiritual connections to the self, and that around the self. When I awoke from this dream, I knew what it instantly meant.I need to get up and do what I am supposed to do, otherwise, no one can really do it for me. I will just sit there and accomplish absolutely nothing.

     It's so hard for me to stay true to this kind of daily dedication. I still have so much I have to do and it's a bit overwhelming at times. Everyday, I must learn to climb this mountain. Starting is always the hardest part of the puzzle for me. However, taking that first step is crucial to finishing any goal.

     I have goals I want to accomplish, but I think it's time that I start trying take small steps, before I run. I will try my best to live out a day in which I have to accomplish:

My Summer Schedule:

• Daily Clean Up: I usually only clean once a week. These task would include putting things back where they belong, dusting, and wiping things down.
• Daily Contemplation: I want to use this blog as means to contemplate somewhat, aside from personal contemplation. 
• Daily Walks/ Exercise: I walk almost every other day. However, these walks would be more beneficial for others too...
• Daily Study/Read: I want to keep my mind engaged with topics of my interest that I like to read.
• Daily Writing: I want to practice my poetry or the art of writing, everyday.
• Daily Prayer: Hopes, thanks, and wishes for others are made. 
• Free Time: self explanatory  ...

I want to start with proving that I can accomplish this schedule religiously, seeing that I wish to find a religious lifestyle dedicated to my spirituality. With every small step, I will be able to climb that mountain. So, from tomorrow on out, I will start to walk. ;)

Days of the Ego

Whenever we ask ourselves who we are, do we return to our thoughts, feelings, actions, and dreams? Sometimes I feel so not in touch with these things when it comes to discovering who I am. Do these things really define who I am? Am I more than my thoughts, feelings, actions, and dreams? Or are they all just apart of my ego? They feel just too unreal.

I just feel so unattached at times to my sociological roles, dreams, hopes and ambitions. Letting go of your ego is such a painful task at times, it takes every aspect of thyself to clear through all the pile of mess the ego has left. Especially in a society that thrives on happiness of the ego. The happiness of the relationships within societies thrive on the individual ego that is pertaining to its roles and looking for fulfillment in these ways. Some good examples, depending on the person, would be to fall in love, become famous, become an intellectual, to become the best at whatever...etc

What happiness is there for someone with no ego, then? The lessening of the ego at first feels so empty, because within the ego, one is filled with overwhelming pride, happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, or any other emotion. It's almost like a state of depression in the beginning of ridding the ego. At first, you realize that you may never be able to obtain that which you never had or always wanted. You feel so sad, because nothing It's a painful recognition to realize that the things you once thought would make you happy, really can't.

It's not that you can't be happy or enjoy things. You are cleansing yourself of a clingy ego. When you find who you are without the expectations of society, your ego, and expectations, you will learn what real happiness is. Cleansing yourself of your ego is a tough job to accomplish. It would seem that without an ego, we almost have no identity whatsoever. We are each just molecules of water from the ocean, not belonging to ourselves in anyway.

Being overindulgent in an ego can make you sick, as you are chasing happiness down the wrong path.

However, one should not completely rid of the ego. There is a naturalness to having a healthy ego, that allows us to better understand the world around us.

The Contributions of the Past to Today's World

Often, I think of the gifts that those from the past have left us. They have also left us with many lessons to learn individually within our own lifetime and all together as societies of the world, hoping to make better progress and understanding for everyone.

I am just overwhelmed by the thought that these people have left this legacy to us. We should try our best to learn from the past, yet be quick to our all new types of issues in today's world. Also, we should respect those of the past. As individuals, you have to find what you can do to change this world and inspire those of the present and those of the future.

 They left us with their words too.

"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions."

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."

"It is only to the individual that a soul is given."

  

 "A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom."
 

"An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."

  

“I have decided to stick to love... hate is too great a burden to bear.”

 

 "A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble"

 

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."  

 

"Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startled us."

 

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"

 

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

 

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.” 

 

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” 

 

 

“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and   make your dreams come true.”  

 

 

 Yes, there are many people of the past who looked to make a better future. We should also be thankful to our ancestors who survived through the past, bringing us to the present. We have to try to put our best foot forward for those of the future, no matter how big or small or roles may seem. One person has the power to change another for the better.